I Still Don't Deserve Them
by Shy-Shadow Reckless
Summary: What would happen to them and me if LOTR characters appeared in my house. I'd recommend reading the other one first


Disclaimer: don't own em, never will.

I Don't Deserve Them

Have you ever noticed that girls are very rarely appearing in anyone's houses? And if they do people tend to stick them in a basement or something and make them read Cosmopolitan. Don't laugh, I read that once, Faramir was sitting across from them reading Sports Illustrated. I'd credit the author, but the name escapes me. I'm not really big on repeating myself, I could go on about language and sleeping arrangements again, but since it's all in the previous chapter, well, reading that will save on time, for you and me.

But I can accept why fangirls aren't too eager for it to happen. Having the Evenstar suddenly appear in your loungeroom would be a self-esteem killer, especially if you're an Aragorn fan and want him for yourself. Actually now that I think about it, Arwen herself could be seen as a Mary-Sue. I mean think about it, she's beautiful, has a tragic back story, is good at everything, has half of Middle Earth in love with her. Not to mention she actually is related to Elrond as so many Mary-Sues tend to be. I'm betting she's practically impossible to dislike though. I'd probably automatically give it my best shot, snob that I am.

Take clothing, she's taller than me (and thinner, hence my opinions on her crushing my self-esteem) and I can't really imagine the circumstances it would take to coax her into some fashions. Jeans for example. Or she could surprise me by stealing my favourite pair of jeans and becoming obsessed with bootleg pants. But if that did happen, I don't have the money to buy her anything to wear really. Unless… I guess the dress I wore to my year twelve formal (prom if you're American) might look better on her.

Finding food for her would also be a problem. Look at her, she must watch what she eats, or at least have the best genes in all of creation. Or maybe it's a standard elf perk. What I eat isn't probably to her liking, but at least I figure anyone female has to love chocolate. Unless she's tragic enough to be allergic. And if she lived with me she'd either have to know how to cook or take-away would be her new diet. And if she's the daughter of an elf-lord and going to marry a king, who needs to know how to do anything?

Here's a thought. Will she be Aragorn-less when she arrives? I have enough issues as it is.

And when will she arrive? Arwen when she has no idea who Aragorn is could be fun. Unless she hasn't learnt to appreciate mortals yet. Married Arwen would probably demand to be returned to Aragorn right away, which I can understand. She's got limited time with the man.

I stand by my theory that having anyone from Middle Earth here permanently isn't good. There's only so much elfy-wisdom I can stand. The thing is, I can't really think of anything that Arwen and I have in common. I'd eventually run out of compliments for Aragorn and how often can you agree that Sauron's a nasty guy? I'm not all that obsessed with fashion and only wear make-up on special occasions, so we can't bond that way. Buying stuff together is a no go, (money issues again) so I've exhausted a lot of stereotypes. I could torture her by making her watch the bits of Lord Of The Rings that have Aragorn/Eowyn interaction, but she does have a sword. Watch Hidalgo? 28 Days? (but Viggo looks way different in that, and his character's addicted to soap operas)

I can't picture Arwen with a job either. Modelling or something maybe, but see the previous chapter for my views on immigration. In the books she makes Aragorn a banner so there's an idea. Either give her to some kind of sweat shop operator (bit nasty that), or set up a few market stalls with genuine elf-made goods. But again, sword.

I think my best option is to give her to a male fan. I'm sure I'd get volunteers.

Then there's other option from female characters with more than background status, Eowyn. Even considering the fact that she marries Faramir, I think I'd like her. Less likely to automatically defer to anyone male who wanders by (like my LOTR fan cousin, sure he'd think of a reason to drop by), and isn't content to just sit around either. Having a shieldmaiden around the house might possibly mean that I'd get some exercise now and again. Maybe she'd teach me how to safely wave a sword around and how to beat nasty people up. Eowyn is a lot closer to my age too and I could always ask her questions about her brother incessantly. Could she teach me Rohirric too? I like languages.

But it does depend when she arrives. Slightly suicidal Eowyn wouldn't be as fun, but I would get to eat a lot of ice cream and announce that life is terrible. Neither would obsessed with Aragorn Eowyn. (more ice cream and most likely chocolate and possibly agreeing that all men are scum) I think I'd kill her if she bragged about her wonderful marriage with Faramir too much. We could just gossip about him and how wonderful he is while watching his scenes in The Two Towers, but possible homicide again. Well… I'd try to kill her, but then there's the whole she's a shieldmaiden and has had weapons training while I haven't issue.

Does it sound like I don't like Eowyn? Believe or not I actually do. Can't you have picture her being ecstatic with the freedom she'd get around here? I bet she'd steal my jeans straight out of the ironing. Maybe attempt to enrol in university or something and then being crushed when she realises she can't because she has no identity. Okay, that part not so much fun. But would she like me? Sometimes I think she'd be of the opinion that I'm slightly useless and defenceless and stuff like that. But on the up side I think I'm a better cook than she is. Think she'd kill me if I did a happy dance that I found someone that's worse than me?

But as said, I don't think having any Middle Earthians staying with me is a good idea. For their health and mine, send them somewhere else.

Authors Notes: Thanks to all reviewers, all reviews were greatly, greatly adored by me.


End file.
